In the beginning, everything was promising.
They were kind. Interesting. Attractive. Easy to talk to.

However, with time, something started to feel like it is missing.

Discussions remained superficial.
Feeling vulnerable was one-sided.
Emotional intimacy never came into existence.

You started wondering:

Why are they so close, keeping me close, and not letting me in?

Provided that this sounds familiar, then it is possible that you have to deal with an emotionally unavailable partner – a type of relationship that leaves most individuals confused, rejected, and emotionally lonely.

Searches associated with emotional unavailability and commitment avoidance have been on the rise in the United States, with increasing numbers of people in need of clarity regarding baffling relationship trends.

Making sense of emotional unavailability can make you quit blaming yourself – and begin defending your emotions.

1. They do not engage in any serious emotional talk.

Emotionally detached spouses usually maintain a light and superficial conversation.

They may:

• Switch the topics when they are personal.
  
• joke in order to protect oneself.
  
• provide unspecified answers to feelings.
  
• seem to be embarrassed about emotions.
  

This may make you feel like you are not connected with each other emotionally even after having spent time.

2. They find it difficult to communicate emotions.

You need to find that they scarcely say:

• how they feel about you
  
• What do you mean by them?
  
• what they want emotionally
  

They are not emotionally clear, but unclear.

This is not because you have too many feelings.
It can be attributed to the fact that they feel unsafe or even unknown with the emotional expression.

3. You feel lonely when you are in the company.

Emotional loneliness within the relationship is one of the most obvious indications.

You may feel:

• unheard
  
• unseen
  
• unsupported
  
• emotionally disconnected
  

Being present does not mean being emotionally present.
And relationships demand them both.

4. They Send Mixed Signals

Unavailable partners can be very confusing with their inconsistent behaviour:

✔ affectionate one day
✔ distant the next
✔ attentive, then withdrawn
✔ warm, then emotionally cold

This unpredictability is able to keep you emotionally hooked and not allow some stability.

Consistency builds safety.
Lack of consistency brings about anxiety.

5. They Shun Conversations of Commitment.

Once the relationship starts getting serious, they can:

• Do not define the relationship.
  
• Resist future planning
  
• Shift the topic concerning commitment.
  
• say they “don’t like labels.”
  

This does not always have to be a question of time.
It is an emotional avoidance.

6. They treasure Self-sufficiency to the Maximum.

Good autonomy matters.
Yet extreme self-reliance is a veil of emotional inaccessibility.

They may insist:

• They don’t need anyone
  
• Relationships make life problematic.
  
• Vulnerability is weakness
  
• Dependence on emotions is not good.
  

It is the shielding attitude that does not allow people to become emotionally intimate.

7. They retaliate in case of Conflict.

A relationship is inseparable from conflict.

However, emotionally unavailable people tend to:

• goes out of business when there is a conflict.
  
• do not resolve discussions.
  
• disappear emotionally
  
• refuse to engage in repair
  

Replacement of resolution is the avoidance.
And unsolved problems accumulate emotional separation.

8. Their previous love affairs are of the same trend.

In case they talk about previous partners:

• “too needy”
  
• “too emotional”
  
• “too demanding”
  

…it could be an expression of unease with emotional closeness and not incompatibility.

Trends tend to show emotional capability.

9. You Sound Like You Wanted Too Much.

You could start reducing the needs over time.

You might tell yourself:

• “Maybe I’m expecting too much.”
  
• I guess I need to be more patient.
  
• “Maybe this is normal.”
  

Nor does a healthy relationship leave you in the guilt of requiring emotive bonding.

Your needs are valid.

10. They Hold You by the Side Of the Stockings, Yet They Lock up their Heart.

and probably the most puzzling indication:

They don’t leave.
But yet they do not quite come, either.

Their connection is not vulnerable.

This gives emotional limbo – a condition where hope does not die, but intimacy does not develop.

The Reasons why People Grow Emotionally Unavailable.

Very often, emotional unavailability is based on:

• trained emotional neglect in childhood.
  
• past heartbreak or betrayal
  
• fear of vulnerability
  
• attachment insecurity
  
• acquired emotional suppression.
  

Having this knowledge leads to sympathy.
And compassion does need no self-abandonment.

Is a Response to an Emotionally Unavailable Partner Changeable?

The person can only change when he/she:

✔ recognizes the pattern
✔ wants emotional growth
✔ takes responsibility
✔ is willing to do inner work

One cannot love somebody into emotional availability.
They must choose it.

The Secret To Saving Your Emotions.

Being aware of these signs, you might ask:

✓ seeing patterns as opposed to possibilities.
✓ speaking out about your emotional needs.
✓ setting healthy boundaries
✓ not over-functioning emotionally.
✓ giving importance to emotional reciprocity.
✓ able to leave emotional neglect behind.

Love is not supposed to be perplexing but safe.
Connection is not to be one-sided but mutual.

Final Thoughts

Spending time with an emotionally unavailable person can also cause you to lose your value, your expectations, and even your emotional needs.

But the truth is:

Too much, I am not asking.
You are requesting the right person to do the wrong things.

Healthy love involves emotional presence, vulnerability and consistency.

And a relationship where a person does not just stay is what you deserve.

…but truly shows up.