If you can’t let go of someone, you are not alone.

Releasing is as though to make a choice.
Yet, in case you have ever attempted to free a person who was once all to you, you realize it is not how it works.

Logically, you can know that the relationship ended.
You are able to identify the issues.
You can even admit that it was not healthy.

And yet…

There is still something in you that you cling to.
You cannot even stop thinking of them.
Memories come back in the middle of the night.
There is something about you that is emotionally attached.

When you are thinking about why it is impossible to let go, you are not the only one.

All searches that touch on letting go, emotional attachment, and moving on have intensified in the United States as an increasing number of individuals find it difficult to shed off relationships that were once describing their emotional landscape.

Decision-making is not just letting go.
It is an emotional, psychological, and neurological process.
And healing takes time.

It Is Hard to Let Go as Love Alters Your Brain

Your brain creates meaningful emotional attachments when you connect with another person.

In the course of relationships, the bonding hormones oxytocin and dopamine reinforce the sense of closeness, safety, and reward. These chemicals create emotional comfort and attachment.

Love actually rewires the neural networks.

Once the relationship is terminated, your brain has a withdrawal effect.

This is why you may:

• crave their presence
  
• replay memories repeatedly
  
• feel an emotional void
  
• find it hard to take separation
  

There is no weakness in being attached.
Your nervous system comes to terms with loss.

You Are Not Simply Letting Go of a Person

It is one of the largest misconceptions that accompanies the post-breakup life, that you are losing someone.

In reality, you are releasing:

• shared routines
  
• daily communication
  
• emotional companionship
  
• future plans
  
• shared identity
  
• emotional stability
  

You are shedding off a portion of your life.
That is not easy.

Knowing Each Other Leads to Emotional Comfort

Human beings are safe with what they already know.

Even an imperfect relationship could have given:

• routine
  
• predictability
  
• emotional connection
  
• a sense of belonging
  

Familiarity is substituted by uncertainty after separation.
And fear can be more terrifying than emotional uneasiness.

This is not to say that the relationship was right.
It means it was familiar.

Psychological Dependency Is a Result of Emotional Attachment

The patterns of emotional bonding are established after a certain period of time in relationships.

Partners experience together, develop routine, emotional support, and vulnerability. Slowly, your brain will start to incorporate the other person into your identity.

According to psychologists, they call this identity integration.

Because when the relationship is over it is like losing a portion of him/herself.
And that is why it is disorienting to release it.

You May Be Borrowing the Future You Dreamed

Occasionally, you do not miss the person.
You are mourning the life you would have been living together.

You may be mourning:

• the future you planned
  
• dreams you built together
  
• emotional safety that you desired
  
• milestones that you thought you had
  

The breaking up can be more than endings.
They are the death of perceived possibilities.

The natural reaction to loss is grief.
Even in cases where the loss had to be made.

Hope can make you emotionally attached

Hope is powerful.
But hope can postpone the recovery after a breakup.

You can be tempted to reason:

• “Maybe they will come back.”
  
• “Maybe they will change.”
  
• “Maybe this is temporary.”
  

Emotional doors could be held open by hope.

The healing process starts when acceptance takes over waiting.

Trauma Bonds: It is possible to find it harder when letting go

In case your relationship was characterized by emotional swings and declines, lack of consistency, or alternating affection and detachment, then you may have developed a trauma bond.

Trauma bonding is the mixing of affection with emotional pain on an intermittent basis.

This forms a potent connection loop.

Your brain gets programmed to find solace in the very person who hurt you emotionally.

This is not a weakness.
It is conditioning.
And conditioning can be repaired.

Attachment Can Be enhanced by Loneliness

Following a breakup, there is silence instead of a relationship.

Situations that used to involve chat, emotional encouragement, and collective laughs are gone in a jiffy.

You can miss a person who was not necessarily supportive emotionally, which is caused by loneliness.

He or she might not be missed.
You might be lacking the connection.

Man is hardwired to be connected.
And its loss may be overwhelming.

Your Head Can Dwell on the nice Memories

As time goes by, the brain dilutes the painful memories.

You will catch yourself recalling:

✔ laughter
✔ affection
✔ warmth
✔ comfort

while minimizing:

✖ emotional neglect
✖ painful arguments
✖ feeling isolated in the relationship

This is selective recall and is a component of emotional healing.

This does not imply that the relationship was healthy.
It is that your brain is keeping you safe.

Leaving it To Feels Like being Deprived of the Safety of Emotions

Relationships usually offer emotional familiarity and a feeling of security.

On which occasion that fade away, you will experience:

• emotionally ungrounded
  
• uncertain about the future
  
• disconnected
  
• vulnerable
  

Such is emotional re-calibration.
This is a new reality that your mind and heart is adapting to.

Signs You Are Healing (Even When It Doesn’t Feel Like it)

Healing is rarely obvious.
But progress may include:

✔ having them less in mind
✔ emotional swings, rather than persistent pain
✔ moments of peace returning
✔ rediscovering interests
✔ establishing healthier limits
✔ finding understanding of what you should be getting

Healing is not forgetting.
The cure is to free up emotional attachment.

How to Begin Letting Go

Releasing is not about compelling yourself to cease caring.
It is about freeing yourself.

• Accept the reality
  
• Acceptance begins healing
  
• Stop romanticizing the past
  
• Recollect the entire reality, and not certain scenes
  
• Limit emotional triggers
  
• Less exposure to reminders and social media
  
• Rebuild daily routines
  
• Emotional stability is created with the help of new habits
  
• Reconnect with yourself
  
• Find yourself again out of the relationship
  
• Allow emotional waves
  
• Healing is not linear
  
• Feelings will come and go
  
• Choose self-respect
  
• One should not have to sacrifice oneself to love
  

Leaving Does Not Take Away What You Gave

Releasing does not imply that the relationship was in vain.

It is possible to venerate memories and stay detached at the same time.

You need not live in the past to appreciate it.

You are free to detach and retain the lessons.

Letting go is not forgetting.
It is freeing.

Final Thoughts

Unlearning to hold on to the person that you loved is not an easy thing to do.
It is an emotional healing process.

Some days will feel lighter.
There will be days when memories will come back.
On other days, curing will be far away.

This is not to say that you are not doing well.
It means you are human.

You are not simply losing the grip of a person.
You are recovering emotional attachment, shared identity and a chapter that used to be important.

And one day, you will notice:

The memories feel softer.
The attachment is less heavy.
The past is no longer in control of you.

Not that the love had not been real…
And yet, because you decided to do it.