You are acquainted with the fact that the relationship was not healthy.
You can recall the arguments, the emotional distance, the periods when you felt unheard, unseen, and unappreciated.
You know you made the right choice of quitting.

And yet…
You still miss them.

Have you ever asked yourself, Why do I still miss my ex when I am aware that they were not right for me?

You are not alone. This is one of the most popular and experienced post-breakup conflicts in the United States nowadays.

You can miss a person who hurt you without making the wrong choice. It means you are human.

In this article, we will discuss psychological, emotional, and neurological causes that you still miss your ex — and the way to start healing.

Your Brain Is Programmed to Be Attached

Human beings are biologically programmed to be bonded.

The hormones that were released in your brain when you were in a relationship are:

• oxytocin (connection)
  
• dopamine (pleasure & reward)
  
• suicide intent (stable mood)
  

These drugs resulted in emotional dependence and solace.

The effect of a breakup is a withdrawal in your brain, just as in the case of addiction recovery.

This is why:

• You crave their presence
  
• You replay memories
  
• You have an abstractedness of feeling
  

You are not weak.
Your brain is adjusting.

You Miss the Familiar, Not Necessarily the Person

Among the greatest fallacies you find once you have broken up is that you miss the individual.

Often, what you truly miss is:

• routine
  
• shared habits
  
• daily communication
  
• emotional security
  
• having “someone there.”
  

Mankind is comfortable with familiarity.
Even a sickly acquaintance is more comfortable than doubtfulness.

It is not that it was a correct relationship.
It means it was familiar.

It Is Easier Said Than Done to Give Up Trauma Bonds

If your relationship had:

• emotional highs and lows
  
• hot & cold behavior
  
• love and then separation
  
• inconsistent love
  

…you might have had a trauma bond.

The emotional attachment formed by trauma bonding is a strong one due to intermittent reinforcement, which is moments of love and pain.

This trend makes one feel attached and not the opposite.
That is why, the emotional connection may be even stronger when the relations are terminated.

This is not love.
This is conditioning.
And it can be healed.

You Are Lamenting Over The Future You Fancied

Not to miss the person as sometimes.
You’re grieving:

• the future that both of you had in mind
  
• the dreams you built
  
• the form you thought you were to have
  

Ending is not the only form of breakups.
They are wastages of fancied futures.

Grief is an instinctive reaction to loss — even when the loss was a necessity.

Missing Them Can Be Enhanced by Emotional Loneliness

Silence takes the place of connectedness after we break up.

Moments that once included:

• texting
  
• sharing jokes
  
• talking before bed
  
• emotional support
  

suddenly disappear.

The feeling of loneliness may lead to missing a person despite the fact that he was not emotionally supportive.

You are getting used to emotional silence.
And adjustment takes time.

It Is Good Your Mind Retrieves the Good Better than the Bad

It is in our brains to diminish painful memories as time goes by.
This is a survival mechanism of keeping emotional stability.

The things you can remember after a break up are:

• the laughter
  
• the good days
  
• the affection
  
• the comfort
  

while minimizing:

• the emotional neglect
  
• the hurtful words
  
• the pressure of not being alone in the relationship
  

This selective memory is capable of making you doubt your choice.

It does not imply that you were not right.
It is an indication that your brain is recovering.

You Are Maybe Still in Need of Closure

A lot of relationships break up without:

• clear answers
  
• emotional accountability
  
• meaningful closure
  

Open emotional loops are stored by unanswered questions.
Your brain keeps trying to find an answer.

This can feel like longing.
But so many times it is incomplete emotional processing.

They are not always associated with closure.
Closure is at times, self-administered.

Their absence is not a reason to go back.
This is important.

The feeling of missing someone is emotional.
It is not a choice to go back to an unhealthy relationship.

It is possible to miss somebody and make your own choices in favor of your wellbeing.
Both of them may coexist simultaneously.

The lack of them does not imply that the relationship was healthy.
It means you shared a bond.

Welcome To the Surgery: Signs You’re Healing (Even If It Doesn’t Feel Like It)

The process of healing is not often progressive.
But signs include:

• becoming less preoccupied with them
  
• experiencing feelings of emotion rather than pain
  
• started enjoying moments again
  
• researching personal interests once again
  
• establishing more appropriate boundaries
  

Healing is not forgetting.
Healing is the dropping of emotional dependency.

How to Start Letting Go and Moving Forward

Healing does not entail compelling yourself to cease missing them.
It is the matter of re-establishing oneself.

Helpful steps:

• Accept your feelings
  Repressed emotions slow down recovery.
  
• Limit social media exposure
  Emotional wounds are reopened upon constant reminders.
  
• Rebuild routines
  Establish new practices that can assist you in your wellbeing.
  
• Strengthen self-connection
  Write, contemplate and re-establish contact with your needs.
  
• Seek support
  When you are not alone, it is less difficult to heal.
  
• Focus on self-worth
  You have the right to reciprocation of love, respect, and emotional security.
  

Final Thoughts

In case you still miss your ex, it does not imply that you are weak.
This does not imply that you have been making the wrong decision.
And it will never mean that you should go back and get hurt again.

This is that you are recovering emotionally because of attachment, mutual recollection, and the loss of a chapter that had been relevant.

Healing is not linear.
Some days will feel strong.
Some days will feel heavy.
They both belong to progressing ahead.

And one day, you will not be aching the way you are today.
Not that the past was not an issue…
…but you have at last settled on yourself.