Sis, I need to talk to you about what happens when you try to set a boundary.

You tell him something that makes you uncomfortable. You express what you need. You say, “I’m not okay with this.” You communicate a clear limit.

And he dismisses it.

“You’re overreacting.” “You’re being too sensitive.” “That’s ridiculous.” “You’re making a big deal out of nothing.” “Other women don’t have a problem with this.”

Your boundary—which is a reasonable request for respect—gets framed as you being dramatic, unreasonable, or controlling.

So you question yourself. Maybe I am overreacting? Maybe this boundary is too much? Maybe I should just be more chill?

And the boundary disappears. Not because you changed your mind, but because he convinced you it wasn’t valid in the first place.

I see you constantly second-guessing your boundaries. Wondering if your needs are too much. Comparing yourself to “other women” who apparently don’t need what you need. Shrinking your requirements to avoid being called dramatic.

And I see you losing yourself in the process. Accepting things that make you uncomfortable because he’s convinced you that discomfort is your problem, not his behavior.

Stop right there.

Your boundaries aren’t overreactions. His dismissal of them is disrespectful. And what he’s doing is a manipulation tactic designed to make you accept treatment you shouldn’t accept.

Let me explain what’s really happening, why he dismisses your boundaries, and why you need to hold firm.

What’s Really Happening: Boundary Dismissal as Control

As a man who understands respect and consent, let me be clear: Healthy men respect their partner’s boundaries, even when they don’t fully understand them.

A secure man hears “I’m not comfortable with that” and responds with: “Okay, I respect that. Help me understand so I don’t cross that line.”

Your boyfriend hears “I’m not comfortable with that” and responds with dismissal, minimization, and accusations that you’re overreacting.

That’s not a misunderstanding. That’s deliberate boundary violation. Here’s what’s really going on:

Your Boundaries Inconvenience Him

Think about what your boundaries probably require:

• He stops doing something he wants to do
• He changes a behavior that’s comfortable for him
• He respects limits that restrict his freedom
• He considers your feelings before his desires

All of that is inconvenient. It requires effort, sacrifice, and putting your needs equal to or above his wants.

So he dismisses your boundaries to avoid that inconvenience.

If he can convince you that your boundary is an overreaction, he doesn’t have to respect it. He gets to keep doing what he wants while you doubt yourself for having needs.

He’s Testing How Much Disrespect You’ll Accept

Every time he dismisses a boundary and you back down, he learns: “I can violate her boundaries if I just frame them as overreactions. She’ll question herself and drop the boundary rather than hold firm.”

He’s testing your limits. Not to understand you better, but to see how far he can push before you actually leave.

Each dismissed boundary that you don’t enforce teaches him he can push further. The disrespect escalates because you’ve shown that calling you “too sensitive” makes you back down.

He Uses “Other Women” to Make You Doubt Yourself

“My ex never had a problem with this.”
“Other women are more chill about this.”
“My friends’ girlfriends don’t make a big deal about this.”

This is manipulation. He’s using imaginary or real “other women” to make you feel like you’re the problem.

The implication: Normal women don’t have this boundary. You’re abnormal for having it. Therefore, you should change to be like these other, “better” women.

But here’s the truth: Other women’s boundaries (or lack thereof) are irrelevant to your boundaries. Your needs are valid regardless of what other people need or don’t need.

He’s Gaslighting You About Your Own Feelings

When you say “I’m uncomfortable with this” and he responds “You’re overreacting,” he’s telling you that you don’t actually feel what you feel.

He’s redefining your internal experience. He’s saying his interpretation of your feelings is more accurate than your direct experience of those feelings.

That’s gaslighting. And it’s designed to make you distrust yourself.

Over time, you stop knowing what you actually feel because you’ve been told so many times that your feelings are wrong, too much, or overreactions.

He Believes He’s Entitled to Whatever He Wants

Some men genuinely believe that being in a relationship with you entitles them to:

• Access to your body whenever they want
• Your phone and privacy
• Control over your friendships and activities
• Disregard for your comfort if it conflicts with their desires

When you set a boundary that limits this perceived entitlement, they react with anger and dismissal.

In their mind: “I’m your boyfriend. I’m entitled to this. How dare you set limits on what I’m entitled to?”

Your boundary isn’t an overreaction to them—it’s an offense. You’re denying them what they believe they have a right to.

He’s Conditioning You to Drop Your Standards

Think about the long-term effect of dismissing your boundaries:

Boundary 1: You bring up a reasonable limit → He calls it an overreaction → You doubt yourself and drop it

Boundary 2: You try again with a different boundary → Same dismissal → You question yourself more

Boundary 3: You hesitate to even bring up boundaries → He’s already trained you, they’ll be dismissed

Eventually, You stop having boundaries altogether

That’s the goal. Not consciously necessarily, but functionally. He’s conditioning you to accept whatever he does without resistance.

Why This Pattern Destroys You

You lose your sense of what’s reasonable. When every boundary is called an overreaction, you stop trusting your judgment about what’s acceptable and what’s not.

You accept treatment that violates you. Without boundaries, you’re subjected to whatever he wants to do—regardless of your comfort, safety, or well-being.

Your self-respect erodes. Every time you drop a boundary because he dismissed it, you lose a piece of your self-respect. You’re teaching yourself that your needs don’t matter.

You become smaller and smaller. As your boundaries disappear, so does your sense of self. You shrink to fit his comfort rather than expanding into your authentic needs.

You can’t trust your own feelings. If he’s constantly telling you your reactions are wrong, you lose the ability to trust your own emotional compass.

You normalize violation. Boundary violations become your norm. You accept being uncomfortable, disrespected, and crossed as just “how relationships are.”

You become the “cool girl” who has no needs. You morph into someone with no boundaries, no standards, no requirements—all in an attempt to not be “too much” or “too sensitive.”

Common Boundaries He Dismisses (And Why They’re Valid)

Let me validate some boundaries he might be dismissing:

“I’m not comfortable with you staying in contact with your ex.”
Valid. You’re allowed to be uncomfortable with this. It’s not insecurity—it’s a reasonable boundary.

“I need you to not look through my phone without asking.”
Valid. Privacy is a right, not something you have to earn by “having nothing to hide.”

“I don’t want you commenting flirty things on other women’s social media.”
Valid. Asking for respectful behavior is not controlling.

“I need you to not make jokes about my body/appearance.”
Valid. You don’t have to accept being the butt of jokes, even “harmless” ones.

“I’m not comfortable with you going to strip clubs/staying out all night/etc.”
Valid. Different people have different comfort levels, and yours matters.

“I need more notice before you make plans that include me.”
Valid. Wanting to be consulted about your own schedule is reasonable.

If he’s calling any of these overreactions, he’s wrong. These are normal, healthy boundaries that deserve respect.

What You Need to Do

Step 1: Stop Defending Your Boundaries

When you set a boundary, you don’t need to justify it or prove it’s reasonable.

Wrong: “I’m not comfortable with that because [10 reasons why]…”

Right: “I’m not comfortable with that. I need you to respect my boundary.”

Don’t give him ammunition to argue against. Your discomfort is reason enough.

Step 2: Call Out the Dismissal

“You’re dismissing my boundary by calling it an overreaction. That’s not okay. My boundary is valid regardless of whether you understand it.”

Name what he’s doing. Don’t let it happen in the shadows.

Step 3: Stop Comparing Yourself to “Other Women”

When he brings up what other women accept:

“I’m not another woman. I’m me. And this is my boundary. If you need a woman with different boundaries, you’re free to leave.”

Shut down the comparison immediately.

Step 4: Enforce Consequences

Set the boundary. If he violates it:

First time: “You just crossed my boundary. Don’t do that again.”

Second time: “You’ve crossed this boundary again. This is serious.”

Third time: “You’ve shown me you won’t respect my boundaries. I’m done.”

Follow through. Boundaries without enforcement aren’t boundaries—they’re suggestions he can ignore.

Step 5: Stop Asking Permission for Boundaries

You don’t need his approval or agreement for your boundaries to be valid.

Wrong: “Is it okay if I have this boundary?”

Right: “This is my boundary. I need you to respect it.”

State it. Don’t ask for permission.

Step 6: Recognize Pattern of Disrespect

If he dismisses multiple boundaries, that’s not about individual boundaries being unreasonable.

That’s a pattern of disrespect. He doesn’t respect you or your right to have limits.

And you can’t have a healthy relationship with someone who doesn’t respect you.

Step 7: Be Willing to Lose Him

If respecting your boundaries means he leaves, let him leave.

Better to lose someone who won’t respect you than lose yourself by dropping all boundaries to keep them.

What You Deserve

You deserve someone who respects your boundaries without dismissing them.

Someone who says “I don’t fully understand why that bothers you, but I respect it and I won’t do it.”

Someone who values your comfort more than their convenience.

Someone who doesn’t make you feel crazy for having reasonable needs.

That person exists. But it’s not him.

The Bottom Line

Sis, a man who dismisses your boundaries as overreactions is showing you:

• He values his comfort over your well-being
• He doesn’t respect you or your right to limits
• He’s willing to manipulate you into accepting violations
• He believes he’s entitled to disrespect your needs
• He’s conditioning you to become someone with no boundaries

You cannot build a healthy relationship with someone who won’t respect your boundaries.

Stop defending your limits. Stop comparing yourself to other women. Stop accepting that your needs are “too much.”

Your boundaries are valid. Hold them. And leave anyone who won’t respect them.

FAQ

Q: What if my boundary really is unreasonable?

If multiple trusted people (therapist, close friends, family) tell you a boundary is controlling or unhealthy, consider examining it. But if only HE says it’s unreasonable—especially if it’s a common boundary—he’s manipulating you.

Q: How do I know if I’m being too sensitive or if my boundary is valid?

Ask yourself: Does this boundary protect my emotional/physical wellbeing? Does it ask for basic respect? If yes, it’s valid. His comfort with violating it doesn’t make it invalid.

Q: What if he says I have too many boundaries?

Healthy relationships thrive on clear boundaries. If he thinks you have “too many,” what he’s really saying is: “You have too many limits on my ability to do whatever I want.” That’s a him problem.

Q: Should I compromise on boundaries?

Some boundaries are negotiable (preference-based). Others aren’t (safety, respect, dignity). Never compromise on boundaries that protect your fundamental well-being. And never compromise with someone who calls all your boundaries overreactions.

Q: What if he respects some boundaries but not others?

Selective respect isn’t respect—it’s manipulation. He’s respecting boundaries that don’t inconvenience him and dismissing ones that do. Real respect honors all boundaries, not just easy ones.