Sis, I see you trying to explain how you feel.

You’re being vulnerable. You’re being honest. You’re telling him exactly what hurt you and why it matters.

And I see his response: “You’re overreacting.” “It’s not that big of a deal.” “You’re too sensitive.” “Why are you making such a big thing out of this?”

Just like that, your feelings—which took courage to express—are reduced to nothing. Dismissed. Minimized. Treated like they’re invalid, dramatic, or unreasonable.

And I see you shrinking. Starting to question yourself. Maybe I am overreacting? Maybe it’s not that big of a deal? Maybe I am too sensitive?

I see you replaying the situation in your head, trying to figure out if your hurt is justified. Wondering if you should just let it go. Considering whether you’re making mountains out of molehills.

Stop right there.

You’re not overreacting. Your feelings aren’t too much. And what he’s doing is a form of emotional manipulation called minimization—and it’s one of the most damaging things he can do to you.

Let me explain what’s really happening, why he does this, and why you need to take this seriously.

What’s Really Happening: The Minimization Playbook

As a man, let me give you some truth: A healthy, emotionally mature man doesn’t minimize his partner’s feelings.

He might not fully understand why something hurt you. He might not have intended to cause pain. But he doesn’t tell you your feelings are wrong, too much, or invalid.

So when your boyfriend responds to your hurt by minimizing it? That’s not him being logical or helping you gain perspective. That’s manipulation. Here’s how it works:

He Makes Your Hurt About the Size of His Action, Not the Impact

You say: “It hurt my feelings when you ignored me at the party last night.”

He responds: “I didn’t ignore you. I talked to other people for like 20 minutes. You’re making a huge deal out of nothing.”

See what happened? You’re talking about how his action made you FEEL. He’s talking about the objective “size” of his action.

Whether he ignored you for 20 minutes or 2 hours isn’t the point. The point is you felt ignored, and that hurt. But by focusing on the action’s size rather than its impact, he’s saying your feelings aren’t proportionate to what he did—therefore, they’re invalid.

He Compares Your Pain to Worse Things

You say: “I felt really hurt when you cancelled our anniversary dinner.”

He responds: “People are literally starving in the world and you’re upset about a dinner? It’s just one night. We can reschedule.”

He’s using the existence of worse problems to invalidate your hurt. Yes, worse things exist. That doesn’t mean your pain isn’t real or doesn’t matter.

By this logic, no one should ever be upset about anything unless it’s the worst possible thing happening on Earth. That’s absurd. Your feelings don’t need to be about a tragedy to be valid.

He Tells You How You Should Feel Instead of Accepting How You Do Feel

You say: “I’m upset that you shared something private I told you in confidence.”

He responds: “You shouldn’t be upset. I was just talking to my friend. It’s not like I posted it online. You need to relax.”

Notice he’s telling you how you SHOULD feel? Instead of accepting that you ARE hurt, he’s declaring that your emotional response is wrong.

He’s positioned himself as the authority on what deserves hurt feelings and what doesn’t. And conveniently, the things that hurt you because of his behavior never make the cut.

He Focuses on His Intent Instead of Your Impact

You say: “It hurt when you called me that name in front of your friends.”

He responds: “I was joking! I didn’t mean it seriously. God, you can’t take a joke. Stop being so sensitive.”

His intent is irrelevant to your hurt. If someone steps on your foot, it hurts whether they meant to or not. The impact is what matters.

But he’s making it about his intentions (“I was joking!”) to invalidate your feelings about the impact. If he didn’t mean to hurt you, you have no right to be hurt—according to him.

He Uses “Logical” Arguments to Dismiss Emotional Responses

You say: “I feel hurt that you forgot my birthday.”

He responds: “Birthdays are just arbitrary dates on a calendar. It’s not logical to be upset about something so meaningless. You’re being irrational.”

He’s weaponizing “logic” against your emotions. Feelings aren’t logical. They’re emotional. And they’re still valid.

By framing your emotional hurt as “irrational,” he’s saying you’re wrong for having normal human emotions. The problem isn’t his behavior—it’s your “irrational” response to it.

Why He Does This

Minimizing Your Feelings Protects Him From Accountability

Think about what happens when he minimizes your hurt:

If your feelings aren’t valid, he doesn’t have to address them. If you’re “overreacting,” he doesn’t need to change his behavior. If you’re “too sensitive,” the problem is you, not him.

He escapes accountability entirely by making your feelings the problem instead of his actions.

It Keeps You Doubting Yourself Instead of Trusting Yourself

When he consistently minimizes your feelings, you start to internalize his message:

“Maybe I am too sensitive. Maybe I do overreact. Maybe my feelings are wrong.”

And when you doubt your own emotional responses, you stop trusting yourself. You become dependent on his validation of whether your feelings are “reasonable.”

That’s exactly where he wants you—doubting yourself instead of holding him accountable.

It Allows Him to Avoid Discomfort

Your hurt creates discomfort for him. He either has to:

• Feel bad about hurting you
• Take responsibility
• Make changes
• Sit with uncomfortable emotions

Or he can just minimize your feelings and avoid all of that.

Guess which one requires less work from him?

It Maintains His Self-Image

If your feelings about his behavior are valid, that means he did something hurtful. That means he’s not perfect. That means he failed you in some way.

His ego can’t handle that. So instead of accepting he hurt you, he minimizes your hurt to protect his self-image as someone who doesn’t do hurtful things.

Why This Destroys You Over Time

You stop trusting your own feelings. When someone repeatedly tells you your emotional responses are wrong, too much, or irrational, you lose confidence in your own emotional experience. You start questioning every feeling you have.

You minimize your own pain. You learn to tell yourself what he tells you: “It’s not that bad. I’m overreacting. I’m being too sensitive.” You do his work for him, dismissing your own hurt before you even express it.

You stop expressing hurt altogether. Why bother telling him when he hurts you if he’s just going to tell you it’s not a big deal? Eventually, you suffer in silence because expressing pain only leads to having that pain invalidated.

You lose yourself. When you can’t trust your own emotional responses, when you’re constantly second-guessing your feelings, when you’re taught that your hurt is always “too much”—you lose connection to yourself. You don’t know what you feel anymore because you’ve been trained not to trust it.

You accept treatment you shouldn’t accept. If you’re convinced you’re “too sensitive,” you’ll tolerate behavior that genuinely is hurtful because you believe the problem is your sensitivity, not his behavior.

The Hard Truth About Minimization

This Is Emotional Abuse

Consistently minimizing your partner’s feelings is a form of emotional abuse. It’s a tactic used to control, manipulate, and avoid accountability.

It’s not him being “logical” or “helping you gain perspective.” It’s him systematically teaching you that your emotional reality doesn’t matter.

He Knows What He’s Doing

You might think he genuinely believes you’re overreacting. That he’s just trying to help you see things aren’t that bad.

He knows.

He knows that telling you you’re overreacting makes you doubt yourself. He knows that minimizing your hurt helps him avoid consequences. He knows that calling you “too sensitive” shuts down the conversation.

This is calculated, even if it’s subconscious.

Your Feelings Don’t Need His Approval

Here’s what you need to understand: You don’t need his permission or validation for your feelings to be real and valid.

If something hurt you, it hurt you. Period. His opinion about whether you “should” be hurt is irrelevant.

Your emotional experience is your own. He doesn’t get to decide what’s “too sensitive” or “overreacting.” Only you know how something made you feel.

What You Need to Do

Step 1: Trust Your Feelings

If something hurt you, it hurt you. You don’t need to justify it, defend it, or prove it’s “reasonable.”

Your feelings are information. They’re telling you something matters to you. Listen to them.

Step 2: Stop Defending the Validity of Your Feelings

When he minimizes:

“I’m not debating whether my feelings are valid. They are. The question is whether you care that you hurt me.”

Don’t get sucked into defending why you’re hurt. The fact that you’re hurt is enough.

Step 3: Call Out the Minimization

“You’re minimizing my feelings.”
“You’re telling me my hurt isn’t valid, and that’s not okay.”
“I’m not overreacting. I’m reacting to being hurt.”

Name it. Make him see what he’s doing.

Step 4: Set a Boundary

“If you can’t acknowledge my feelings without minimizing them, I’m not going to share my feelings with you anymore.”

Then follow through. Stop sharing your emotional experiences with someone who invalidates them.

Step 5: Ask the Hard Question

Can you spend your life with someone who makes you feel like your emotions are always wrong, too much, or invalid?

Can you accept never having your hurt acknowledged because he’ll always tell you it’s not a big deal?

If the answer is no, you know what you need to do.

What You Deserve

You deserve someone who, when you say “that hurt me,” responds with: “I’m sorry. Tell me more so I can understand.”

Not: “You’re overreacting.”
Not: “It’s not that big of a deal.”
Not: “You’re too sensitive.”

You deserve someone who accepts your feelings as real and valid, even when they don’t fully understand them.

You deserve someone who cares more about the fact that you’re hurt than about whether your hurt is “justified.”

That person exists. But it’s not him.

FAQ

Q: What if I actually am being too sensitive?

Sensitivity isn’t a flaw. It’s a trait. And if something genuinely hurts you, you’re not “too” sensitive—you’re just sensitive to that thing. That’s valid. Don’t let him make you believe feeling deeply is wrong.

Q: How do I know if I’m actually overreacting?

Ask yourself: Would I be hurt if a friend did this? Would I tell my best friend she’s overreacting if she felt this way? If your hurt makes sense in any reasonable context, you’re not overreacting—he’s minimizing.

Q: What if he says he’s just trying to help me not get upset over small things?

You don’t need his help managing your emotions. You need his acknowledgment when he hurts you. “Helping” by invalidating your feelings isn’t help—it’s manipulation.

Q: What if I do tend to get upset easily?

Even if you’re generally more sensitive than others, that doesn’t mean your feelings are invalid or that he gets to dismiss them. A loving partner works with your sensitivity, not against it.

Q: Could he be right that I’m making a big deal out of nothing?

If it matters to you, it’s not nothing. The size of the issue doesn’t determine whether your feelings about it are valid. Trust yourself.