Sis, I need to talk to you about something.

I see you trying to share your day with him—something that happened at work, something you’re excited about, something that’s bothering you—and within 30 seconds, he’s somehow turned the entire conversation back to himself.

You started telling him about your promotion, and now he’s talking about how hard HE’S working. You mentioned you’re stressed, and suddenly he’s listing all the ways HIS life is more stressful. You tried to share something funny that happened, and he’s already telling a “better” story about himself.

And I see you shrinking. Learning to keep things to yourself. Stopping mid-sentence because you realize he’s not even listening—he’s just waiting for his turn to talk. Feeling invisible in your own relationship because everything, somehow, always becomes about him.

I see you wondering if you’re being selfish for wanting him to actually listen. If maybe you talk too much. If maybe your stories aren’t interesting enough. If maybe you’re expecting too much by wanting your partner to care about what’s happening in your life.

Stop. Right. There.

You’re not asking for too much. Wanting your partner to actually listen to you—to show genuine interest in your life, your thoughts, your experiences—that’s not selfish. That’s basic relationship functionality.

What you’re dealing with is classic narcissistic behavior. And I need to explain what’s really happening, why he does this, and what it means for your relationship.

What’s Really Happening When He Makes Everything About Himself

Let me give you the male perspective on this, because it’s important you understand what’s going through his mind when he hijacks every conversation.

He Genuinely Believes His Experiences Are More Important

This is the core of narcissistic thinking: His life, his feelings, his experiences are more significant than anyone else’s—including yours.

When you start telling him about your day, he’s not thinking “I should listen and show interest in what matters to her.” He’s thinking “When can I tell her about MY day, which is obviously more interesting/stressful/important?”

It’s not that he’s consciously trying to dismiss you (though the effect is the same). It’s that in his worldview, he is the main character and everyone else—including you—is a supporting cast member whose purpose is to listen to HIS story.

Your promotion? Less impressive than his work challenges.
Your stress? Not as bad as his stress.
Your funny story? Not as funny as his.

In his mind, this isn’t rude—it’s just the natural order of things. He’s more important, so obviously his experiences deserve more airtime.

Your Stories Are Just Setup for His Stories

Here’s something that might help you understand what’s happening: When you’re talking, he’s not listening. He’s scanning what you’re saying for an entry point to make it about himself.

You say: “I had the worst day at work today—”
He hears: “Work… that reminds me of MY work situation, which I should talk about now.”

You say: “I’m really worried about my mom’s health—”
He hears: “Health… I should mention that thing that happened to ME health-wise.”

He’s not engaging with what you’re actually saying. He’s just waiting for a keyword that gives him permission to redirect the spotlight back to himself.

That’s why his responses often feel disconnected from what you actually said. That’s why you feel unheard. Because you ARE unheard. He’s literally not listening to you—he’s listening for his cue to start talking about himself again.

He Cannot Handle Not Being the Center of Attention

People with narcissistic traits have a pathological need to be the focus of every interaction. When you’re talking about yourself, when the conversation is centered on your experiences—even for just a few minutes—it creates anxiety in him.

Not being the center of attention feels wrong to him. Uncomfortable. Almost threatening.

So he redirects. He takes over. He makes it about himself again because that’s the only way he feels secure in the conversation.

This is why he interrupts you constantly. This is why he can’t let you finish a story without jumping in with his own. This is why, even when you explicitly ask him to just listen, he still finds a way to make it about himself.

It’s not that he doesn’t understand what you’re asking. It’s that he literally cannot tolerate not being the focus.

He’s Competing With You Instead of Connecting

In a healthy relationship, when you share something with your partner, they respond with interest, empathy, or support. The conversation becomes a way to connect and understand each other better.

But with him? Every conversation is a competition.

You’re not sharing experiences to connect—you’re apparently presenting your experiences for him to top with his own.

You got a promotion? His career is harder.
You’re tired? He’s more tired.
You had a bad day? His day was worse.
You accomplished something? He accomplished something bigger.

This is called “one-upping,” and it’s a narcissistic behavior. He cannot celebrate your wins, empathize with your struggles, or simply be present with your experiences because everything is a competition he needs to win.

And sis, here’s the thing: You will never win this competition because the game is rigged. No matter what you share, his version will always be more important, more difficult, more impressive in his mind.

Why This Pattern Destroys You Over Time

Let me tell you what being with someone who makes every conversation about themselves does to you, because this is serious.

You stop sharing. Eventually, you learn there’s no point in telling him things. He’s not going to listen anyway. He’s just going to use it as a springboard to talk about himself. So you stop. You keep your wins, your struggles, your thoughts to yourself. And that isolation is devastating.

You start to believe your experiences don’t matter. When every conversation gets hijacked and turned into a story about him, the message is clear: Your life isn’t as important as his. Over time, you internalize this. You start to actually believe your thoughts, feelings, and experiences are less valuable.

You lose your voice in the relationship. You become an audience member in your own relationship—there to listen to him, support him, validate him—while he provides none of that in return. The relationship becomes entirely one-sided, with him taking up all the space and you shrinking into the background.

You feel desperately lonely despite being in a relationship. There’s a particular kind of loneliness that comes from being with someone who never truly sees you or hears you. You’re physically together, but emotionally you’re completely alone because he’s too focused on himself to notice you’re even there.

The Hard Truths You Need to Hear

This Is Who He Is

I know you want to believe this is just a bad habit he can break. That if you just explain how it makes you feel, he’ll start listening better.

But sis, making every conversation about himself isn’t a habit—it’s a core part of his personality.

This is narcissistic behavior. It’s baked into how he sees the world and his place in it. He genuinely believes he is more important than other people, including you. That’s not going to change with a conversation.

He Knows He Does This

You might think he’s just oblivious. That he doesn’t realize he’s monopolizing every conversation.

He knows.

Every time you’ve gotten quiet mid-story, every time you’ve sighed, every time you’ve said “never mind” when he interrupts—he knows. He sees your disappointment. He understands you feel unheard.

He just doesn’t care enough to change because his need to be the center of attention is more important to him than your need to be heard.

You Cannot Out-Interesting Him Into Listening

Some women think if they just make their stories more interesting, more dramatic, more engaging—he’ll finally listen.

That’s not how this works.

It doesn’t matter how interesting your story is. It doesn’t matter how important what you’re sharing is. He will still find a way to make it about himself because this isn’t about the quality of your stories. It’s about his need to dominate every conversation.

You could tell him you won the lottery, and he’d somehow turn it into a story about himself. That’s not hyperbole—that’s what narcissists do.

What You Need to Do About This

Step 1: Stop Trying to Get Him to Listen

If you’ve told him multiple times that you need him to listen without making everything about himself, and he’s still doing it—he’s not going to change.

Stop wasting your energy trying to be heard by someone who refuses to listen.

This doesn’t mean you stop talking altogether. It means you stop expecting him to actually hear you, because he won’t. And that way, you’re not constantly disappointed.

Step 2: Find People Who Will Actually Listen

You deserve to be heard. If he won’t provide that, other people will.

Talk to your friends. Talk to your family. Join communities where people actually engage in reciprocal conversation.

Experience what it feels like to have someone genuinely interested in what you have to say. Once you experience real listening, real engagement, real two-way conversation, his behavior will become even more unacceptable to you.

Step 3: Call It Out Every Time

“You just made this about yourself again.”
“I was talking about my day, not yours.”
“Can you let me finish?”
“I need you to just listen right now without relating it back to yourself.”

Be direct. Every single time.

Will it change him? Probably not. But it will at least make clear that you see what he’s doing and you’re not accepting it as normal.

Step 4: Watch How He Responds When You Call It Out

Does he:

• Get defensive? (“I was just sharing! You’re too sensitive!”)
• Gaslight you? (“I don’t always make it about myself, you’re exaggerating”)
• Turn himself into the victim? (“I guess I just can’t say anything without you attacking me”)
• Briefly apologize but immediately do it again?

His response will tell you everything you need to know about whether he’s capable of change.

A man who genuinely cares about you will hear your concern and make real effort to change. A narcissist will make you feel bad for even bringing it up.

Step 5: Ask Yourself the Hard Question

Can you spend the rest of your life never being truly heard by your partner?

Because that’s what staying means. This is who he is. This is how he operates. If you stay, you’re accepting a relationship where:

• Your stories get interrupted and redirected to him
• Your accomplishments get minimized or competed with
• Your struggles get compared and deemed less difficult than his
• Your voice gets drowned out by his constant need to be the center of attention

Is that acceptable to you? Is that the partnership you dreamed of?

Why You Deserve Better

Sis, let me tell you what a real conversation with someone who cares about you looks like:

You tell them something. They listen—actually listen, not just wait for their turn to talk. They ask follow-up questions because they’re genuinely interested. They respond to what YOU said, not to what it reminds them of about themselves.

When you accomplish something, they celebrate you without making it about them. When you’re struggling, they focus on supporting you, not on explaining why they have it worse.

The conversation goes back and forth. You talk, they listen. They talk, you listen. It’s balanced. It’s reciprocal. It’s how healthy communication works.

That’s not too much to ask for. That’s basic relationship functionality.

And you deserve it.

You deserve someone who is genuinely interested in your life. Who wants to know about your day, your thoughts, your experiences—not as a setup for their own stories, but because they actually care about you as a person.

You deserve someone who can handle not being the center of attention for five minutes while you share something important to you.

You deserve someone who celebrates your wins without competing with them, who empathizes with your struggles without comparing them to theirs.

That person exists. But it’s not him.

And the sooner you accept that, the sooner you can stop exhausting yourself trying to be heard by someone who will never truly listen.

FAQ

Q: Is it normal for men to redirect conversations to themselves?

No. While some people are naturally more self-focused than others, constantly making every conversation about yourself is narcissistic behavior, not normal male behavior. Plenty of men are excellent listeners who show genuine interest in their partners’ lives. Don’t accept “all men are like this” as an excuse for his self-centered communication.

Q: What if he only does this sometimes?

Pay attention to the pattern. If he can listen and engage when he’s in a good mood or wants something from you, but makes everything about himself the rest of the time—that’s still a problem. Real listening shouldn’t be conditional on his mood or needs.

Q: Should I keep a log of how often he does this to show him?

You shouldn’t need evidence to prove to your partner that he makes every conversation about himself. If you’re at the point where you’re considering keeping a log, you already know this is a serious problem. The question isn’t whether you can prove it—it’s whether you’re willing to keep accepting it.

Q: Can therapy help him learn to be a better listener?

Only if he genuinely recognizes this as a problem and wants to change. Most narcissists don’t, because from their perspective, they’re not doing anything wrong. If he refuses therapy or goes but doesn’t change, you have your answer about whether this will improve.

Q: What if I’m also bad at listening sometimes?

There’s a difference between occasionally getting distracted or being wrapped up in your own stuff, and consistently making every single conversation about yourself as a pattern. If you genuinely struggle with listening, you probably feel bad about it and try to do better. Does he? Or does he not even see it as a problem?